The list of past Olympic sports is disappointing. Upon this list are the sports, tug of war, croquet, lacrosse, and power boating (and those are just the sports that stick out). Why the hell would they ever take tug of war out of the Olympics?! Here are the sports that should be put into future Olympics.

Summer Olympics:

Dolphin riding: All Olympians are put into a tank with one dolphin. The first to mount and ride the dolphin wins.

Bear Wrestling: One Bear. One tub full of pudding. One survivor… or not.

Eating: This sport isn’t for the faint of heart. Olympians will not be faced with food like hot dogs, but food like dinosaur arms, wolf hearts, and spaghetti snakes. Of course, each contestant would have a pint of egg nog to wash it down.

Jousting: On an animal of their choice, two people charge eachother armed with giant squids. This sport is often played in Europe, Canada, and scattered parts of Antarctica.

Nerfing: It is like paintballing, except the players are armed with Nerf guns instead. Casualties are common in this sport, many people a year are killed in Nerfing accidents.

Pokemon Battles: Olympians link up their Gameboys and duel eachother. Or a crocodile dressed as Pikachu and a gorilla dressed as Charmander fight in a cage, which Pokemon will win?

Ping Pong: Played with a nine pound lead ball and tennis rackets. All contestants must wear goggles and a helmet while playing.

Lion Taming: Each Olympian is given a lion, a chair, and a whip. The first to teach the lion to juggle flaming spears wins.

Lightsaber Duel: Olympians with a high metachlorian count are chosen by the council to take part in one HUGE epic lightsaber duel. The winner is the person with the most limbs by the end of the battle.
Duck Duck Goose: It’s a ladder tournament, the top three players from each round continue on to the next. No mush pot, if someone gets out, they are out.

Winter Sports:

Snowball fights: Very similar, actually almost identical, to the lightsaber duel held in the summer Olympics. Every contestant is armed with snowballs, the one with the most limbs by the end of the game wins. Just kidding.

Snow: Snow.

Snowman building: Olympians are put into a small room with a really big, hot light. The first to build a suitable snowman before the snow melts wins. Unfortunately, many people burn to death in the process.

Polar Bear Wrestling: One Bear. One tub full of snow. One Klondike Bar awarded to the winner. “What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?”

Snow Angels: Bird watching? No. Angel watching, better yet, snow angel watching. The first to harpoon the rare Alaskan Snow Angel takes home the gold. The losers are left to find a way home.

Peeing in The Snow: is playable by male Olympians only. Each person must spell their country’s name (correctly) in the snow. This includes dotting the I’s, crossing the T’s, and shaking twice.

Ice Fishing: Not quite the “Eskimo in the hut” stereotype ice fishing is usually portrayed as; Olympic ice fishing includes eight foot sharks, spear guns, and lava. Play at own risk.

Moose hunting: No, not from a helicopter, from the ground. Like a decent person would hunt a moose.  Olympians are dressed in 300 pound bear-wrestling suits, and, well. They can’t move, we need to fix the kinks in that one. CARIBOO!

Parah Salin with Sarah Palin: Olympians are dropped from a helicopter with maverick Sarah Palin, and the person who makes it to the ground without shooting themselves wins.

Ice Red Light Green Light: it is Red Light Green Light, the game we all loved growing up, but on ice! Rocket skates are not prohibited, but highly frowned upon due to too many explosions.

Now that would be worth watching. Then at the end of the games, all the Olympians would be put on a deserted island and armed with various weapons for a battle royal. Except for the bear wrestlers and lion tamers, they lose and they’re dead.

Before anyone gets confused, there is a fine line between meals and snacks. There are three meals in a day, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. When one doesn’t eat enough at a meal, or their meals are far apart, they eat snacks to calm their stomachs.

Snacks are usually pre-packaged food. Fruit Roll Ups, chips, fruits, cookies, even Cup of Noodle are all excellent examples of snacks. Sandwiches take a bit more time to craft, and fill the consumer’s stomach more, thus they are meal foods.

Sandwiches come in a variety of different shapes and sizes. They can be cut into the shape of a star for children to enjoy or into a football for men to grunt at. Also, many combinations of sandwiches can be made. Just about the only way to not like sandwiches is to be allergic to delicious.

Many may be thinking ‘Eating meat is bad, sandwiches are bad’. Slow down on the assumptions Speed Racer; sandwiches are not always made of meat. Actually, one of the most popular sandwiches has no meat whatsoever, the PB&J. There are also sandwiches with tofu, or fake meat.

Not only are sandwiches perfect for any occasion, from birthday parties to dance parties, they go great as any meal. Put eggs and bacon between two pieces of toast, breakfast sandwich. Slap a piece of roast beef between some sour dough, dinner sandwich, and who hasn’t had a sandwich for lunch?

Although sandwiches take more time to make than snack foods, they’re still made in less time and effort than a lot of other meals. Chicken takes many hours in the oven, burritos require time consuming folding, and pizza also needs time in the oven. All that wasted time, time that could be better spent saving babies from fires.

“I bring a sandwich to school everyday and I never get tired of them. It’s a perfect on the go meal,” said Grace Roderick, a freshman at Ukiahi, “Sandwiches are my second favorite food, behind macaroni and cheese.”

Macaroni and cheese may be tasty, but when one is on the go it is difficult to pack. Many foods require expensive containers, such as Tupperware, to make them portable. Shove a sandwich in a plastic bag, good to go.

When asked if he could think of another food that’s as easy to make, delicious, and packed with ease, Matt Turnbow, a freshman at Ukiahi, said, “There are none, the sandwich is the god of foods.”

The ultimate meal food is easy to pack, yummy for everyone, and made without difficulty. As stated, the sandwich qualifies in each of these categories. The ultimate meal food is sandwiches.

Sand plus witch equals sandwich
Sand plus witch equals sandwich
Sandwiches I like to eat
Sandwiches can’t be beat
They are pretty sweet
With lots of cheese and meat
Chigeddy check yo’self

This year after organizing my candy, something struck me as odd. The hard candy pile grew three times larger than last year’s, and the chocolate pile shrunk 37.5%. What could cause this outrageous change in candy levels? The poor economy of the United State of America.

The off brand big bags of hard candy are cheaper than the fun size chocolate brands. Usually people are willing to go the extra mile to make their trick-or-treaters happy, and they purchase the delicious chocolate candy. But this year, trick-or-treating was not as chocolate filled as last year’s Halloween.

I’m conducting an experiment to see how newly elected President Barack Obama does on fixing the US economy. Each Halloween while Obama is in office, I will add the new candy statistics to the chart above. If there’s an increase in chocolate candy, then the economy is doing better, thus people are purchasing the more expensive, more delicious, candy. If there’s an increase in hard candy, it means the economy is doing poorly, forcing people to buy the cheap stuff. Don’t let me down Obama.

]]> http://taurenwarrior.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/barack-obama/feed/ 0 taurenwarrior Change http://taurenwarrior.wordpress.com/2008/10/19/i-believe-in-scotty/ http://taurenwarrior.wordpress.com/2008/10/19/i-believe-in-scotty/#comments Sun, 19 Oct 2008 03:01:55 +0000 taurenwarrior http://taurenwarrior.wordpress.com/?p=34 ]]> As you, my readers; by readers I mean 8 people that accidentally stumbled upon this blog and now want to shoot themselves, know I play World Of Warcraft. What you didn’t know about is Scotty. Scotty is this guy that also lives in Ukiah, and he rocks at WoW. I play with him all the time, but nobody we know, besides his sister, has ever met him. We all only know him over WoW. We were beginning to doubt his existence. Maybe he was a robot, or a 40 year old guy trying to pass off as a 22 year old. Whenever we try to hang out with Scotty, he always flakes for some odd reason. Today we were supposed to meet with him at the Pumpkin Fest, but guess what? He flaked. I said no, I’m meeting Scotty today. We found out his address. I met Scotty.

• Cricket
• Croquet
• Lacrosse
• Power boating
• Rugby
• Tug of war

Tug of war!!! Why the fuck would they ever take tug of war out of the Olympics? And Power boating, what is power boating? These are the sports I want to see in future Olympics-

• Dolphin Riding
• Bear Wrestling
• Eating
• Jousting
• Pokemon Battles
• Arm Wrestling
• Paddle ball
• Pong
• Lion Taming
• Lightsaber Duels

Now that would be worth watching. Then at the end of the games, all of the losers are put on an island for a battle royal. Except for the bear wrestlers and lion tamers, they lose and they’re dead.

Lucasfilm Animation decided to make a Star Wars Clone Wars animated movie. Being such a big Star Wars fan, I watched it and loved it. The story line was interesting, not what you would expect. The action was really cool too. The animation was kind of crappy, and the writing was a little, um, cheesy. The voice acting wasn’t that good. You meet Jabba The Hutt’s uncle, Zero the Hutt, and he’s a fucking fruit. He’s purple with this weird gold tattoo that looked like this

and he had the voice of a gay seven year old. Other than that the movie was awesome. The fight scenes were cool, and there were more than enough casualties. If a trooper wasn’t under cover, he got fucked up, and I thought that was really cool. They were realistic about it. About as realistic as you can get in a galaxy with aliens, with Galactic Law Enforcers known as Jedi, and controlled by the force, an energy field created by all living things, that surrounds and penetrates living beings and binds the it together

You may have noticed that I’ve used the word finance a lot. You may be wondering what I’m talking about. The only way I see Monopoly as a game of skill, and not chance, is how the people play it. You need to be good with your money. Know when it’s a good time to spend your money, and when not. Know the difference between a good deal, and a deal that will screw the game, and everyone playing. You need to consider not only what benefits you from the trade, but how the other side is benefiting as well. Trading so you get a monopoly, and the other person gets three, is NOT A GOOD DEAL. I hope next time you set up for a game of Monopoly you’ll consider what I’ve said, and put it to use.

Well, I can’t really think of a transitional sentence that can be properly placed there, so I’m going to just explain to you my problem and transition the post to reasons why the game was a tad unimpressive. A problem for me is that I can’t stand when you can’t see an enemies health bar. Also, the beginning is rather confusing. Your on a ship, then your talking to an old guy with a beard, and then you have to find someone in a city that you don’t know the whereabouts of because you’ve just started the game. The storyline I would say is good, it’s just the game play. I didn’t like the controls. Still don’t, even after multiple chances I’ve given it.

For whatever reason Morrowind does not impress me, I would still say it’s a good game. Getting and doing quests isn’t as simple as in WoW, and there’s barely a storyline to follow as in KOTOR, but if your patient and don’t mind running around in a forest for half an hour only to find a camp of bandits that destroy you in two hits, then I’m sure you will do fine. Also, I’ve heard great things of Oblivion, the sequel to Morrowind, but I’ll leave that for another day. Like the day after I actually play it.

On that note, let me cleverly transition this post to WoW. The biggest MMORPG in the world, with over nine million active accounts and still growing. Especially with the new expansion Wrath of the Lich King. With ten more levels, a new class available to both Horde and Alliance, new regions, and new instances. Plus, new quests to help get all those 70′s out there to 80. If you ever want to play, add Manotaur on the server Kil’jaeden.

That shit steals your soul man-Adam